My first time -
John Gunterman

Posted to the
Chile-Heads Mailing List


Disclaimer:
This is a TRUE story.

Names have NOT been changed to protect the innocent(me) or the cruel(everybody else). It is NOT pretty. It may be considered funny by some. I think it is pretty darned funny now, but I did not then.

Well, it was back in..... 1986.. I was working as an Toolmaker's Apprentice (on second shift)in a Union(shhh.....) shop. My dad was the Master Toolmaker in the shop and got me in under some Union(shhhh...) journeyman clause. Enough background....

My first week I was sitting in the lunch room and this guy, "Wild Bill" we called him, came into the room w/ a tupperware bowl filled w/ what looked like green bell peppers sauteed in oil and set the bown down on the table. Some people ran away some ran towards the peppers. There were guys puytting them in their soup, on ther sandwiches, on ther left over pizza, eating them straight etc... I asked If I could have one.. ..... The room went silent. Stan, our shop foreman was the first to speak... He turned to my dad and said "It's up to you Tony, your his "Master". My Dad, being the "way too mellow", geriatric, hippie that he is, just shrugged his shoulders and made an upward nod towards the bowl and then towards me, never saying a word. (but I could see the laughter in his eyes.) Well I grabbed a strip and popped the whole damed thing in my mouth. I started to say "It's not so Hot." but all that came out was "it's noooooo.....aaahhhhrrggg, ooouch... eee... aaaa... oooo... HELP!!!!!!!!!!"

Then, I started to hiccup uncontrolably. then the sudden loss of most motor skills as well as higher cerebral funtions. I grabbed onto the endge of the table for dear life as the sweat started to pour out from every poor of my body. Meanwhile dad pumped a five dollar bill into the change machine and got every single carton of milk out of the vending machine. So after about 15 minutes.. my body calmed back down enough for me to return to work... There I was back in the tool crib, doing some peon tasks like sweeping up, filling out req. forms for new carbides etc..

okay.. here comes the really sick part!!!!

When all of a sudden my lower intestines launched a Coup d'état against the rest of my body. I vividly recall doing the "clenched buttock toe two heel trot" across the production floor past about 25 people that were laughing histerically at me... yelling to each other down the line.. "clear the decks.. he's not gonna make it!" I got about 25 feet away from the door to the lavatory when my buttock muscles started to quiver and I "lost it". I clamly walked the rest of the way.. got into the washroom stripped down and got into one of the shower stalls.

About 5 minutes later Stan, the shop foreman came in and tossed a pair of overalls onto the bench in front of my locker and said "take the rest of the night off kid, with pay, you've earned it".

The next day, when I showed up for work I found all sorts of things attached to my locker door.. like a diaper, a cork, a "3-pack" of skivvies, etc.

L8r
John



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