Don't Find Me I'm Not Yours (A Parody)
by David Neal

Arial Arial® had been a mermaid in a former life. Now she is redheadedslitheendowed, and perhaps a bit anorexic.

CaslonCaslon is machoswarthy, all in all a hunk. His only physical flaw might be that his six-packs have turned to beer belly. (Well, there might be another, but we shall not speak of "it.")

They would make a great couple, except that they have never met and never will. This is not the story of a story, it is the story of a not a story. A fantasy of clicky-clacky. A seemingly unending series of saccharine (aspartame?, sucralose?) non-events interrupted by irrelevant imagery, out-of-tune music, and video that looks like it was sent over 1950's broadcast, the tower too far away to a set that couldn't quite focus it. Digital "snow" if you will.

A one, two and 3D feast for the senses. A sort of Three Men in a Boat for the digital age, full of digressions and diversions in desperate search of a plot.

Neither Newcastle Brown Ale nor any of these other brands are sponsors of this story. But we wish they were! And the ad is awesome. But then, so were Speight's Southern Man ads. And beer plays no small part in this story.

The "small print:" This is a work of fiction. Any resemblence to any real person, place, or thing is purely coincidental. Any attempts at humor, art, or literature are merely wishful thinking. All sites linked to or embeded are the property of their respective owners. With respect to this work, we have no relationships monetary or otherwise with anyone (which is to say that we are basically broke.) Love, the management (© Walrus & Carpenter Productions LLC.)

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